PANDORAH'S BOX//Journal

[pandorah]

'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
AND I KNOW THAT YOU'LL USE THEM HOWEVER YOU WANT TO

Sixth year and nothing seems any different. The classes will be harder for sure and that is a welcome respite from the void I feel inside of me. It seems the older I get the colder I get. I am beginning to wonder if I will have feelings at all coming here soon. I have no reason for them, no one to share them with, so why bother? It isn't like people haven't tried, I just...I don't know. I have no one to talk to but Sasha and my diary/journal...thing. That really does come off as pathetic. I see many girls already hand in hand with boys, giggling and kissing when they thing no one can see them. I am smart, very much so...I have no trouble for the most part when it comes to books and tests or anything like this. Anything else I fear I am a complete idiot about.

Is it bad that I am curious finally about such things? Not that I think I need anything like that of course but I wonder what it is like. Then again it may take from my studies and I am unsure how I think about that. I know jealousy when I feel it and oh is it a nasty taste in the mouth. I should have no reason to be jealous of anyone! I am tall, attractive, I have a really good body. I am smarter than most people, fabulously wealthy and of pure and old blood. So why does this bother me so much. To make matters worse. Out of a morbid curiosity I decided to see if I could predict when and if I would ever get a kiss myself. If I did it right, and really I don't usually ever do arithmancy wrong...it is to be this year. I couldn’t bring myself to see when, that was just too much.

Bah, that is just a bunch of nonsense. I do not need anyone but myself, I do not want a kiss or anything. All the boys who approach me lack the wits to even begin to keep my attention. None of that was meant for me, plain and simple.

I should tear up this entry, it means nothing to me. ...

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Pandorah[/b][/color][/font][/size]




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[pandorah]

'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
AND I KNOW THAT YOU'LL USE THEM HOWEVER YOU WANT TO

This year is slowly annoying me. Honestly I do not think I have ever had a more messed up and obnoxious year my entire time here at Hogwarts. I decided to step out of my shell, try and make a friend or...whatever. So my comfort zone has been thoroughly violated and I have been finding myself angrier and angrier with people as of late. Sure there have been some good things about it but I am unsure if the meager good is going to outweigh the annoying bad. All I wanted to do was see what it was like to have a friend, perhaps some well connected ones too, and to better cement myself as the Head Girl for next year. Seventh year will be my last chance to really shine, even though I have been doing nothing but shining since I started here. I am nothing if not efficient and intelligent. I already know what my life plans will be, or at least the end goals. I even believe I know most of the means to get to those ends...it's just time and other people I cannot count on.

I may have a friend in Lily Evans. A fellow Prefect from the Gryffindor house. She is nice, has good manners and seems to be pretty smart. I hope that this would be a good friendship. I am still uncertain how to even be a friend at all but I believe it should all just be trial and error right? We have plans, sometime in the future, to go to Hogsmeade together. I wonder how that will go. My father would be so annoyed to see that it is not a Slytherin I am making friends with but one from the same house as my brother.

Speaking of Slytherin... There is this boy who is driving me absolutely batty. I do not think him and I will ever get along and I could easily see myself strangling him, with a big smile on my face. Kyran Sinclair, the twin to one of my housemates, Salem Sinclair. I have only had to one on one deal with him twice but the first time was enough. Honestly he is obnoxious beyond belief and seems to be confused whether he is an automaton or a human being. A waste of air and magic, no matter how smart he may be. His sister I don't know all that well, she never shows up when I happen to be in the common room, even with the commotion we had the one evening, so I cannot say much about her. Kyran does enough however to make me question the sanity of his entire bloodline. That boy needs to learn how to at least act like he is a living and breathing person, I thought I was bad with how standoffish I was, but he is like a wall with flesh.

On another note I am majorly confused by another Gryffindor, Sirius Black. There was an issue, one of the days I was watching him to make sure he wasn't going to harm someone in his cruel pranks. I followed him into a room and then somehow was locked in there with him. The jerk scared me and so received a nice black eye because of it. Unfortunately no one else got to really see it and that makes me sad but oh well, at least one other person did. Yet the real kicker was the kiss. He actually, for some reason unknown to me, and probably even him, kissed me. Sure I felt bad for hitting him when I saw just how immediate the shiner showed but, that wasn't anything really. The kiss however was. I still think about it, I swear my toes curled in my shoes. My entire body was hot and just when I thought his hands were going to go where they probably shouldn't, the door opened behind him and we tumbled out into the hallway. Now, that would have been grand except there was a Hufflepuff boy there to see that my fingers somehow were curled into the waistband of Sirius's pants, and he himself had his hands cupped firmly around my butt. The rumors have been atrocious! I will never live that down.

I may have made another friend as well. Yes I am moving on I do not wish to talk about Sirius and his kissing any longer. A boy from Slytherin, Chord d'Antoine. Cold in appearance and demeanor yet we still seem to have a few things in common. Being a natural people watcher I have been keeping an eye on him as well. I approached him and the meeting went off rather well I can say. The future still holds more time though and I have no idea what will happen.

I received an invitation to a dance of sorts, and the ability to invite another person if I wanted to. I don't know if I even want to go but it sounds somewhat important so I should probably show my face at least. If I want to someday be as great as I envision, staying in my dorm just reading and ignoring people is not going to help. Even if I do go, why would I invite anyone? I mean honestly who would I? If I invited anyone it could be seen as much more than it was...even if there is a certain person I just might have thought of right away.

Pandorah

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